No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
