i think my tv is drunk
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
