and she was petting her beer can
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
