no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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