yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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