I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
