I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
