He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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