I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
