I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
