If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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