How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
