I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
