i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
