Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
