I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
