I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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