my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
