Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize