yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
