make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
