so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
