even my farts smell like vagina
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
