The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
