Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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