i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
