its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize