none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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