i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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