Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
we should paint friendship bongs
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