Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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