i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need a burrito and a hug.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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