there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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