bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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