so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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