Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
