youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
