you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
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