Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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