why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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