he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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