he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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