last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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