I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
