I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Less talking, more tequila
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
