I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
