You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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