So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
