end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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