you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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