And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
