Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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