I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
