There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just threw up on my dentist
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize