I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
