AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
