Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
