Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
