My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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