it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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