Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize