I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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