I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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