Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
