Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
