Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
