how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
