Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
