Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
