I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The Olympian is in my bed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
