dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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