My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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