Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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