the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
