I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
