So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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