God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
