So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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