capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
