found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
