Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
