I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize