I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
