I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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