ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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