They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
