guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
